WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
