I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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