Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
