what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
