If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
