what day is it and did you see me today?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
