As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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