; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
