everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
