I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize