Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
