to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
