He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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