So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Be still, my beating vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
