Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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