is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
