we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
