Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
