I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
