Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
