Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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