According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We have started to decorate penises.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
