I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm both gender and math confused
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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