Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
