Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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