I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
