i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
