dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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