question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
