I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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