I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
