I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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