If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
