he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
