Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
