I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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