i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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