um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
