where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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