Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
