And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
