So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
