I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
