hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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