Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
