I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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