No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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