I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
