We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
