I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
