you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
