a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
