I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize