Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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