I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
