we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
