Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
