i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My pussy is not your playground.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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