So drunk its hurt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
