Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
