So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize