fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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