Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
