Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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