A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
