I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
