Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
