mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
