these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
