Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So much rum. So many feels.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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